Sunday, January 07, 2007
Riders on the Storm
I'm depressed. I weaned myself off my crazy meds a few months ago and I think I'm regretting it now. Not that they did anything other than keep my head just above water. They also helped me pack on 20+ lbs. And now I'm not at all motivated to diet or exercise.
I have to be honest with myself. I've been feeling like hell. My joints ache. I can literally sit for HOURS in front of the TV. Barely blinking. I've been procrastinating on really basic stuff. Depression. It sucks.
I did have a moment of emotional clarity today. It was probably 5 seconds long. I was driving. It was raining. Not pouring. Just pitter patter. Big, cold drops. And I was listening to track 11 on Versions - the remix of The Doors' Riders on the Storm. I took a deep breath and I kind of nestled down into the layers of the track. And somewhere between that and the memory of sadness that most Doors song incite, I had this brief moment of clarity.
Wish I could bottle that clarity. Its not happy or good feeling or anything. Its just comforting.
I have to be honest with myself. I've been feeling like hell. My joints ache. I can literally sit for HOURS in front of the TV. Barely blinking. I've been procrastinating on really basic stuff. Depression. It sucks.
I did have a moment of emotional clarity today. It was probably 5 seconds long. I was driving. It was raining. Not pouring. Just pitter patter. Big, cold drops. And I was listening to track 11 on Versions - the remix of The Doors' Riders on the Storm. I took a deep breath and I kind of nestled down into the layers of the track. And somewhere between that and the memory of sadness that most Doors song incite, I had this brief moment of clarity.
Wish I could bottle that clarity. Its not happy or good feeling or anything. Its just comforting.
// posted by Stephanie Cake @ 1/07/2007 10:43:00 PM 
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