Saturday, January 29, 2011
My dentist....
... broke up with me last week. It's a sad day when someone you've had an 11 yr relationship with pulls out the old "it's not you, it's us."
In truth, my insurance is the issue. HMOs make the world go 'round... and teeth rot out apparently.
In truth, my insurance is the issue. HMOs make the world go 'round... and teeth rot out apparently.
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Sunday, January 16, 2011
Sentimental Heart
Cried all night till there was nothin' more
What use am I as a heap on the floor?
Heaving devotion but it's just no good
Takin' it hard just like you knew i would
Old habits die hard
When you got, when you got a sentimental heart?
Piece of the puzzle
And you're my missing part
Oh, what can you do with a sentimental heart?
Oh, what can you do with a sentimental heart?
~ Zooey Deschanel/She & Him, Volume One
Time to get the show on the road. 2011 is racing ahead without a second thought. February starts my new goal - the "real" book. I haven't talked much about the NaNoWriMo book to anyone... well, no one has really asked... beyond "when can I read it?" (my response: "never") But it was more a learning experience for myself than anything. Proving to no one but me that I could do it. So it doesn't matter if anyone else cares.
I learned that I just need clearly defined incremental goals and a refusal to compromise on the time I devote to the ultimate goal. My voice is the part I still struggle with but I'll work it out.
I liked being about to enter my stats online since that was a huge motivator but I think building an Excel spreadsheet with some fancy schmancy macros should take care of that. In fairness to myself and the people in my life, I'm stretching the goal out over February and March. Not quite 60 days. A commitment to the editing process will have to wait until I see where I'm going.
Now I just need to give my sentimental heart a kick in the hindparts and get a move on.
What use am I as a heap on the floor?
Heaving devotion but it's just no good
Takin' it hard just like you knew i would
Old habits die hard
When you got, when you got a sentimental heart?
Piece of the puzzle
And you're my missing part
Oh, what can you do with a sentimental heart?
Oh, what can you do with a sentimental heart?
~ Zooey Deschanel/She & Him, Volume One
Time to get the show on the road. 2011 is racing ahead without a second thought. February starts my new goal - the "real" book. I haven't talked much about the NaNoWriMo book to anyone... well, no one has really asked... beyond "when can I read it?" (my response: "never") But it was more a learning experience for myself than anything. Proving to no one but me that I could do it. So it doesn't matter if anyone else cares.
I learned that I just need clearly defined incremental goals and a refusal to compromise on the time I devote to the ultimate goal. My voice is the part I still struggle with but I'll work it out.
I liked being about to enter my stats online since that was a huge motivator but I think building an Excel spreadsheet with some fancy schmancy macros should take care of that. In fairness to myself and the people in my life, I'm stretching the goal out over February and March. Not quite 60 days. A commitment to the editing process will have to wait until I see where I'm going.
Now I just need to give my sentimental heart a kick in the hindparts and get a move on.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
I Can Feel My Lifetime...
...piling up.
I can see the day turn into night.
11th day of 2011 and no goals, dreams or resolutions in sight.
What should I do? Join a gym? Join a cult?
I can see the day turn into night.
11th day of 2011 and no goals, dreams or resolutions in sight.
What should I do? Join a gym? Join a cult?
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Monday, November 29, 2010
The End
The best two words in the English language when you have been on a 30 day (well, technically 29 day) ride through 50,000 words of writing.
I did it. With 26 hours to spare. There was writer's block. There were a lot of cookies eaten. There was teeth gnashing and self esteem stomping. But in the end it was all worth while. I don't want to do it again tomorrow but I'll certainly do it again next year. I learned a lot about myself in the past month.
At the moment I am too tired and sick (literally - the final batch of words was written at Patient First waiting for a chest x-ray) to say much else. Other than I'm proud of me. I did something I've failed at three other times. And that I wasn't all that sure about this time around. Its good to be proud of yourself.
THE END.
Monday, November 01, 2010
50,000 words. 30 days.
Day 1 - Whorlwind! I was sick over the weekend so I decided to blow off tap. Over 2,200 words in less than two hours.
I know I can be a writing machine. My job has instilled that in me. It would be great to think that I can blow through that every day but I know its going to get harder. However, I also know I can do it. :-) No doubt at all.
I know I can be a writing machine. My job has instilled that in me. It would be great to think that I can blow through that every day but I know its going to get harder. However, I also know I can do it. :-) No doubt at all.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Like sands through the hourglass...
... so are the days of our lives.
I really have been productive since July. Unfortuantely, blog posting fell off the radar somewhat. What have I been up to you ask?
Consulting... the obligations never seem to end, even when they aren't the product of huge money making. But I've stacked some cheese since early in the summer so I won't complain.
Family stuff... August vacation at the beach, day of museums in D.C. (the Hirshorn rocks, yo!), Maryland Rennaisance Festival, corn maze, September/October b-days of the coolest people you know (me and Connor Cake, duh!)
Piano and tap... yes, I decided to go back to 3rd grade and take lessons. Sadly (and much to the dismay of all my friends and acquaintenaces who delight in mocking me) there are no recitals for these classes. Maybe I'll stage my own little talent show!
Work stuff... well, besides actually working. Company picnic, assorted happy hours, bowling, Chelsea Handler tix my boss scored.
The net outcome of all this activity is that I'm tired as crap and too busy to be mad or sad. Which is ultimately a huge score. I've been kicking around some personal improvement stuff in my head late at night. I'm forming some goals and have some for sure plans over the next two months. The rest will have to wait until all of the above is squared away.
Next stop? NaNoWriMo. Tried it multiple times; always failed. Doing it for sure this year. No excuses. 50,000 words. 30 days. I'm ready. It will be a marathon, most likely with some serious sprinting at the end but I refuse to drop the ball this time. Baltimore Marathon be damned, I may not be an actual runner but I sure as heck can write. I will finish. I WILL DO IT.
My plan is to blog/Twitter my progress. But the actual writing takes priority of course. At the very least I plan to keep a mood meter. Most likely ranging from "excited/gung-ho" to "sleep deprived/frantic" to "drunk/despondent." In conjunction with writing a novel in 30 days, I will also be working on my caffiene addiction, exploring my love of candy treats and unnecessary carb-loading and getting up close and personal with Roget's Thesaurus and the Urban Dictionary.
Secondary to all this exciting activity will be an exploration of anything that can provide inspiration. Dive bars, infomercials, conversations with my cat, the skeezy weirdos at the convenience store and my own debilitating insanity all take on new and exciting meaning.
Exactly two weeks before the race begins. Wish me luck!
I really have been productive since July. Unfortuantely, blog posting fell off the radar somewhat. What have I been up to you ask?
Consulting... the obligations never seem to end, even when they aren't the product of huge money making. But I've stacked some cheese since early in the summer so I won't complain.
Family stuff... August vacation at the beach, day of museums in D.C. (the Hirshorn rocks, yo!), Maryland Rennaisance Festival, corn maze, September/October b-days of the coolest people you know (me and Connor Cake, duh!)
Piano and tap... yes, I decided to go back to 3rd grade and take lessons. Sadly (and much to the dismay of all my friends and acquaintenaces who delight in mocking me) there are no recitals for these classes. Maybe I'll stage my own little talent show!
Work stuff... well, besides actually working. Company picnic, assorted happy hours, bowling, Chelsea Handler tix my boss scored.
The net outcome of all this activity is that I'm tired as crap and too busy to be mad or sad. Which is ultimately a huge score. I've been kicking around some personal improvement stuff in my head late at night. I'm forming some goals and have some for sure plans over the next two months. The rest will have to wait until all of the above is squared away.
Next stop? NaNoWriMo. Tried it multiple times; always failed. Doing it for sure this year. No excuses. 50,000 words. 30 days. I'm ready. It will be a marathon, most likely with some serious sprinting at the end but I refuse to drop the ball this time. Baltimore Marathon be damned, I may not be an actual runner but I sure as heck can write. I will finish. I WILL DO IT.
My plan is to blog/Twitter my progress. But the actual writing takes priority of course. At the very least I plan to keep a mood meter. Most likely ranging from "excited/gung-ho" to "sleep deprived/frantic" to "drunk/despondent." In conjunction with writing a novel in 30 days, I will also be working on my caffiene addiction, exploring my love of candy treats and unnecessary carb-loading and getting up close and personal with Roget's Thesaurus and the Urban Dictionary.
Secondary to all this exciting activity will be an exploration of anything that can provide inspiration. Dive bars, infomercials, conversations with my cat, the skeezy weirdos at the convenience store and my own debilitating insanity all take on new and exciting meaning.
Exactly two weeks before the race begins. Wish me luck!
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Momentum
I'm embarrassed to say that its taken me 36 1/2 years to find any reliable source of motivation in myself. Sure, anyone can get psyched about something that seems fun or interesting or something that seems profitable in some way. And I'm no exception. But as a person who overthinks everything, who crumbles in the face of negative feedback and who harbors intense fear and anxiety about ridiculous things, I am my own worst enemy when it comes to making progress.
I've spent my whole life having great ideas but am abysmal at execution. I've been presented with many interesting opportunities but have walked away from more I care to admit out of fear and uncertainty. Oh, and I'm great at making a million and one excuses why something won't work, can't work, shouldn't work, etc.
I like to be right and when it seems like I will fail in that goal I tend to be a brat and walk away rather than face shame or humiliation. That overthinking thing compounds issues since it generally results in paranoia and the manufacturing of imaginary reasons to support my miserable theories.
Recently an acquaintance metaphorically rained on my pity party. Its not the first time he's done it but this time it felt like a wake up call. He's the type of person who is somehow able to inspire, exasperate and infuriate me all at the same time. Probably because he's my exact opposite in a lot of annoying ways and sort of just like me in many other annoying ways.
What his message boiled down to was basically "just do it." I think the exact words might have been "just do it, yo!" HAHA! Thanks Nike, I got it 25 years too late, I guess. Basically it boils down to a combination of brute force and no fear. I think I've been unconsciously working on this for a really long time but I woke up recently and thought to myself, "Self," I said, "You're not getting any younger. You've gotta stop being afraid and stop being a control freak and just DO IT. JUST F-CKING DO IT, ALREADY. STOP BEING A QUITTER. AND STOP MAKING EXCUSES." (yes, I really do talk to myself that way... its a shame I rarely listen.)
Forget comfort zones. Of all the times I've taken a chance, only a minority of those times have resulted in utter catastrophe... and none of them have been life or death, or else I wouldn't be here having this conversation. Many of those chances have been memorable experiences and some of them have even been great successes.
Forget fear and paranoia. All my life people have asked me, "what's the worst that could happen?" And most of my life I've manufactured the most insane possibilities... some of which can and have happened but most of which can't and won't. And even when they do, I have yet to face any real, earth shattering peril.
Forget control. Life is chaotic. Its impossible to control everything; and there's no use getting upset when things don't go a certain way. Trying too hard usually results in things going exactly the opposite anyway.
I like to think of things in a scientific and logical way. Which is all well and good... until you introduce emotions in the wrong way, at the wrong time. I've been a victim of my very own special wrong way/wrong time lately. It leads to frustration and annoys the crap out of other people. That certainly isn't doing me any favors.
So long story short... no fear. brute force. JUST F-CKING DO IT, YO!
I've spent my whole life having great ideas but am abysmal at execution. I've been presented with many interesting opportunities but have walked away from more I care to admit out of fear and uncertainty. Oh, and I'm great at making a million and one excuses why something won't work, can't work, shouldn't work, etc.
I like to be right and when it seems like I will fail in that goal I tend to be a brat and walk away rather than face shame or humiliation. That overthinking thing compounds issues since it generally results in paranoia and the manufacturing of imaginary reasons to support my miserable theories.
Recently an acquaintance metaphorically rained on my pity party. Its not the first time he's done it but this time it felt like a wake up call. He's the type of person who is somehow able to inspire, exasperate and infuriate me all at the same time. Probably because he's my exact opposite in a lot of annoying ways and sort of just like me in many other annoying ways.
What his message boiled down to was basically "just do it." I think the exact words might have been "just do it, yo!" HAHA! Thanks Nike, I got it 25 years too late, I guess. Basically it boils down to a combination of brute force and no fear. I think I've been unconsciously working on this for a really long time but I woke up recently and thought to myself, "Self," I said, "You're not getting any younger. You've gotta stop being afraid and stop being a control freak and just DO IT. JUST F-CKING DO IT, ALREADY. STOP BEING A QUITTER. AND STOP MAKING EXCUSES." (yes, I really do talk to myself that way... its a shame I rarely listen.)
Forget comfort zones. Of all the times I've taken a chance, only a minority of those times have resulted in utter catastrophe... and none of them have been life or death, or else I wouldn't be here having this conversation. Many of those chances have been memorable experiences and some of them have even been great successes.
Forget fear and paranoia. All my life people have asked me, "what's the worst that could happen?" And most of my life I've manufactured the most insane possibilities... some of which can and have happened but most of which can't and won't. And even when they do, I have yet to face any real, earth shattering peril.
Forget control. Life is chaotic. Its impossible to control everything; and there's no use getting upset when things don't go a certain way. Trying too hard usually results in things going exactly the opposite anyway.
I like to think of things in a scientific and logical way. Which is all well and good... until you introduce emotions in the wrong way, at the wrong time. I've been a victim of my very own special wrong way/wrong time lately. It leads to frustration and annoys the crap out of other people. That certainly isn't doing me any favors.
So long story short... no fear. brute force. JUST F-CKING DO IT, YO!
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