Friday, April 14, 2006
I'm related to a frikkin' KINGPIN
So when I was in NC for my grandfather's funeral, my grandmother was telling me a bunch of stuff about my cousin being involved in some bad drug related situation. My grandmother is quite the storyteller so when she said stuff like "kingpin", I kind of just laughed. While I had no doubt Joni may have been involved in something unsavory, she's only 20 (I haven't seen her since she was about 2) and I had a hard time conjuring up this mobster, hardcore drug dealer image my grandmother was painting.
Then this morning, my mother emails this newspaper article. Apparently Joni really was a big time drug kingpin in the town where I grew up. Holy shit. The newspaper reports that at one point she was pulling in $50K a month on this not so little venture. Unbelievable. Of course I wonder why she was living in a motel if she was making such mad cash... but I suppose a 20-year old drug dealer doesn't have the same property ownership and investment savings mindedness that I do. Apparently her ex-boyfriend is also serving a life sentence for murder. My grandmother referenced this too. Apparently the murder took place in Miami.
My family's world is so small it makes me claustrophobic. I'm glad I live somewhere else. Not that Baltimore is any better but I'm pretty sure I'm *not* related to anyone heading up the major drug cartels here. Joni is my paternal grandmother's little brother's granddaughter (got that??).... that would make her my second cousin twice removed? I think. I've never quite understood how that works. The mugshot in the paper is of course horrible. She looks like a total crackwhore but I don't doubt she's a beautiful girl - my grandmother's family is pretty heavily infused with Native American heritage and my grandmother's brother married a Hawaiian woman so their kids and grandkids have dark hair, dark skin and very exotic looks. Joni's mother, Lisa (actually Lisa Marie, courtesy of my dad.... he was living w/ his uncle when she was born - Elvis and Priscilla had just had their daughter and he got to help pick a name) was allegedly involved in some nutty shit in Fredericksburg some time ago as well. Although I don't think she was ever convicted of anything.
Fredericksburg is a logical place for drug dealers to end up since its right off interstate 95 between New York and Miami. It used to be a small, rural, history laden redneck town with absolutely nothing going for it. Growing up there was boring and hellish. My mother has lived there since 1974. My father currently lives there too, and with the exception of some brief moving around after he and my mom split, he's pretty much lived there for the past 30 years as well. The town is now a suburb of Norther Virginia due to all the asshole transplants who build big ugly houses there (pave the battle fields!!!!!). It is now a large, crowded, history laden redneck town with not much new going for it other than traffictraffictraffic and the shopping monstrosity known as Central Park.
I'm not sure how or why my father's cousin Lisa ended up in F'burg too. To my knowledge, my dad never saw her while she lived there and I remember him saying he wouldn't know Joni if saw her on the street. On the other hand, my dad and his uncle (Lisa's dad) were always very close. He lives about 10 minutes from my grandmother and is frequently at her house when I visit - my grandmother and her siblings are all very close.
Am I making a point? Probably not. But, I guess the point I'm making here is that my extended family seems to be somewhat of a mess.
Then this morning, my mother emails this newspaper article. Apparently Joni really was a big time drug kingpin in the town where I grew up. Holy shit. The newspaper reports that at one point she was pulling in $50K a month on this not so little venture. Unbelievable. Of course I wonder why she was living in a motel if she was making such mad cash... but I suppose a 20-year old drug dealer doesn't have the same property ownership and investment savings mindedness that I do. Apparently her ex-boyfriend is also serving a life sentence for murder. My grandmother referenced this too. Apparently the murder took place in Miami.
My family's world is so small it makes me claustrophobic. I'm glad I live somewhere else. Not that Baltimore is any better but I'm pretty sure I'm *not* related to anyone heading up the major drug cartels here. Joni is my paternal grandmother's little brother's granddaughter (got that??).... that would make her my second cousin twice removed? I think. I've never quite understood how that works. The mugshot in the paper is of course horrible. She looks like a total crackwhore but I don't doubt she's a beautiful girl - my grandmother's family is pretty heavily infused with Native American heritage and my grandmother's brother married a Hawaiian woman so their kids and grandkids have dark hair, dark skin and very exotic looks. Joni's mother, Lisa (actually Lisa Marie, courtesy of my dad.... he was living w/ his uncle when she was born - Elvis and Priscilla had just had their daughter and he got to help pick a name) was allegedly involved in some nutty shit in Fredericksburg some time ago as well. Although I don't think she was ever convicted of anything.
Fredericksburg is a logical place for drug dealers to end up since its right off interstate 95 between New York and Miami. It used to be a small, rural, history laden redneck town with absolutely nothing going for it. Growing up there was boring and hellish. My mother has lived there since 1974. My father currently lives there too, and with the exception of some brief moving around after he and my mom split, he's pretty much lived there for the past 30 years as well. The town is now a suburb of Norther Virginia due to all the asshole transplants who build big ugly houses there (pave the battle fields!!!!!). It is now a large, crowded, history laden redneck town with not much new going for it other than traffictraffictraffic and the shopping monstrosity known as Central Park.
I'm not sure how or why my father's cousin Lisa ended up in F'burg too. To my knowledge, my dad never saw her while she lived there and I remember him saying he wouldn't know Joni if saw her on the street. On the other hand, my dad and his uncle (Lisa's dad) were always very close. He lives about 10 minutes from my grandmother and is frequently at her house when I visit - my grandmother and her siblings are all very close.
Am I making a point? Probably not. But, I guess the point I'm making here is that my extended family seems to be somewhat of a mess.
// posted by Stephanie Cake @ 4/14/2006 10:10:00 AM 
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