Stephanie Cake

Heard on the morning news......

"....and the accident happened on yesterday....."

ON yesterday.

ON YESTERDAY.

Word up, NOT proper English, fucktard.

I love Earl Grey tea. Bergamot is the best smell in the world. Besides lavender. And pumpkin pie.

I am digging the DJ Pone Fighting Man jam from The Transporter. Unfortunately it can't be had stateside... its not on the US soundtrack release. Only on the Euro import. Poopy. But in reality, I'm sure it would wear out its welcome very shortly. Like Shake Me from Queer As Folk.

Just got Tin Can Art by Bobby Hanson. Not sure why I never got it before. It was on my Amazon wishlist for years. Totally rockin' book.

Over the weekend I helped judge some rounds at a Forensics Tournament @ JHU. What a strange bunch of people. I shouldn't talk ill of them.... afterall, they are the reason I am going to Prague in March. But that is a totally freaky quasi-intellectual community. As bad as gallery artists. Maybe worse.

I just ordered shoes I can't afford (and of course I don't need) from Zappos. Zappos is very bad. Very bad indeed.

So I finally went to Wegman's. Excuse my language, but its the fucking coolest place on earth. I love food and Wegman's has got a lot of it. They deserve a Nobel Prize for the Wegman's Wokery bar alone. I could set up camp and live in the olive bar. The Asian food aisle has 2 different kinds of Pocky. Carrot Cake Clif bars at bargain basement prices. They have the Pepperidge Farm Chicken Parmigiana Pot Pie that Food Lion discontinued, ferchrissakes! I cried tears of joy right in the middle of one of the cheese aisles (no, that's not a typo... ONE of the cheese aisles).

God help me and my checking account.

Mongeese?
Mongi?
Mongooses?
Mongolians?

Hmm. Apparently it is mongooses.

Him: Want anything from the kitchen?

Me: Yeah... bring me a piece of that Papa John's Sweet Treat from last night.

Him: Uh, sorry. I ate it all.

Me: You at it ALL?! You Sweet Treat Eating Douchebag.

Him: Yup. That's me. Sweet Treat Eating Douchebag.

I loved you more than anything; you came with the marriage but I'm thankful you were my sweet Mewcifer. I will never forget your whorish love for ear rubbings and your ability to go from mild mannered and uninterested to vicious and offended in no time flat. You had a shitty attitude but you were a handsome cat and I will miss you so much. Rest in Peace old friend.

Sheist. I can't believe another year has passed by.
I'm feeling super melancholy right now. I need to put on a happy face. I have a gig writing some ID for a motivational speaker who just wrote a book about positive attitudes, of all things. I gotta practice what I'm a-gonna be preachin'.

For the record, here is what is sucking at the moment:

• My cat is dying of cancer. It was confirmed before Xmas. Not sure how long he's got but for now he sleeps most of the day (which isn't all that much of a change) and eats his baby food with a chip on his shoulder. He also has been drooling all over the place and the other day he chewed on something which resulted in gross bloody drool. Its downright pitiful.
• I'm broke. Shit ass broke. The mortgage is due. Its $950. I have approximately $200 to my name. Don't need to be a mathametician to figure out the issues there.
• Despite slaving my ass off in December for one of the worst clients Howard and I somehow manage to always get saddled with, I made zero placements for him (out of 6 openings). This contributes to problem #2 exponentially.
• I need to finish a costuming project for my Persian dance girl. I have sorta kinda missed a deadline and really should be sewing right now. But it will be the 12th and 13th costumes I've made for her and at the moment I'm really not all that motivated.
• Howard and I have another client who owes us collectively about 4 grand. They have not been paying up. Back to problem #2.
• I need to lose about 30 pounds. Its a wonder I can be so fucking fat when I'm so fucking broke.

The resolutions.... It would be remiss of me not to list the plans I have. I mean, its a new year afterall. Once I get my act together I truly intend to get these accomplished. Fer real. No joke. I mean it.

• Lose 30 pounds. Gotta do it. Not doing it wouldn't be prudent. Fucking fat ass no more.
• Make better business decisions. Procrastination is totally my enemy. That's gotta put a dent in my sizeable debt.
• Downsize. I have too much crap. It depresses me and makes life too complicated. No normal person needs all the shit I have.
• Go to Prague. Ok, so not really a resolution but if I can take care of that so-broke-I'm-nearly-homeless problem, I have plans to take a trip with my friend Kate in the spring.