Stephanie Cake

I'm unemployed. Wonderfully, deliciously, unequivocably, snuggly-wuggly UNEMPLOYED. Yeehaw!!!! Wheeeeee!
Last time I found myself in this predicament I was really depressed about it. My self esteem was crushed. I didn't know if we would survive (clearly we did). My whole worth and identity was all about my job.
Things have changed, baby! I have a new lease on life (plus about a year of mental medication - that always helps).
The job market seems to be better nowdays too so I'm getting some job leads.... although to be honest I love the freedom of not having to drag myself to an office every morning. I don't have to answer to anyone else. I learned the hard way that me and corporate America do not equal harmony.
I may do some consulting. I'm digging back into my creative endeavors with a full head of steam. My house is clean. All the laundry is done.

LIFE IS GOOD. For now. I'm enough of a cynic to know that things can and will always change. But for now my eternal quest for happiness is satiated.

I really hate that sick, queasy feeling you get when something bad is going to happen. Something out of your control. A sense of foreboding. A knot in your stomach, that prodded the right way, will result in losing your lunch.

.... I started this post a couple of days ago but couldn't bring myself to finish at the time. The greasy, lead-weight knot has loosened a little. But tomorrow, the final shoe will fall.

This is about the "vision" that my horoscope mentioned - the one that would take 4 months to make sense. I know what the vision was and it makes sense now. Its almost a relief since, subconsciously, I knew it was coming. This week's horoscope makes a lot of sense now too. More later.

Must have off her f'ing rocker with all those kids.

I have said it before, but let's get it on the record again... I HATE CHILDREN.
My own precious angel is 100% excluded, of course.

On October 10, a monumentous event occured. I lost every intelligent and logical bit of sense I ever had and hosted a birthday party for my 7 year old and 15 other kids. Several of whom were the offspring of friends. The remainder were his classmates. Ages ranged from 2 1/2 to 10. The only good that came of this was that it did not happen at my home.

It was 2 hours of the most pure, unadulterated discomfort I have ever endured. Menstrual cramps and festering flesh wounds are a delight compared to wearing a smile in the face of miniature evil. The US military has got it all wrong... humilation and corporal torture are not the best weapons against enemy terrorists. The prisoners at Abu Graib should be forced into a Chuck E. Cheese at noon on a Sunday with a dozen or more school aged darlings who are all high on cake and Kool Aid. That'll get 'em talking.

Here was the premise: Have the party at the local park where they do a nature program. For $200 I got the space and a naturalist who was to lead a nature craft, a short hike and conduct a program with the nature center's birds of prey and reptiles. They would get a polaroid picture of themselves standing by one of the birds and a treat bag full of nature goodies and candy. Then they would eat cake, and 2 hours having quietly passed, they would go home! HAH!!!! I must have been smoking some tainted crack when I came up with this.

First of all, until July, my significant other, god love him, was the leader of said nature program. He was moved to a thankless administrative job at another park because his superiors are asshats. He desperately misses the animals at the nature center as well as the educational programs he used to do. Coupled with the fact that the part-time naturalist we ended up with for this party wasn't the best with children. So there was lots tension. And lots of my spouse being pissed off. And leading the hike himself.

Then there was the $200 that turned into about $300 or more.... I never thought about the exhorbitant cost of Polaroid film (which we never even used), all the crap in the treat bags, the cake ($30!!!! WTF!?!?!), the cups, plates, napkins....

All that is minor to the fact that some of these children were quite annoying. The boys were just rowdy. The girls were MONSTERS. Kicking empty cups across the room. Throwing cake at each other. Yipes. The best quote was during the hike.... Rob was talking about where animals live in the park, etc. when one little girl raised her hand "Are we in school or something????" He mercilessly ignored her, god bless him. I left during the animal program to set up the cake/plates/etc. I'm sure there were memorable hijinks at that point too.

Then there was the scuffle during present opening time (which we really didn't plan on doing there in front of all the kids, but we had time so we foolishly allowed it).... a tug-of-war really, between one of the girls and one of the boys, over a bow/curly ribbon. I snatched it from them just as the high pitched screaming started. There was also the kid who took back the card that he gave Connor a giftcard in. So I can only count on Connor's word who the heck he is and who we should be thanking for said giftcard.

THEN, there was the Thank You Note writing. The only sensible thing I did in this whole thing, perhaps, was purchase pre-printed thank you cards ("Dear______, Thank you for the ________! I really like it a lot!") I'm sure some will think this method tacky. But I ask you, please have a little pity for my sanity after the whole ordeal and just be thankful that I got my kid to say thank you at all!

The best part is that I came home last night and found we got invitations to 2 of these kids' parties later in the month. Can you hear the maniacal laughter, deep in the evil streak of my dead and blackened soul, as I contemplate the payback for these parents??????? MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA....................

I haven't posted in awhile. The past month has been busy, terrible, tremendous and all sorts of other adjectives. I thought about posting a bunch of times and I couldn't drag myself to the computer to do so. The teeming masses of my fans (all 2 of you) should thank me.

Anyway, knock wood, things are copecetic at this very second so I thought I would run down a bulleted list of the busy, terrible, tremendous things that happened. Then I will write witty things about some of them in future posts. Other things that have occured will be filed away forever so as not to cause myself pain. I'm sure you, gentlereader, can figure out for yourself which category the following falls under:

• I saw the Beastie Boys at the Patriot Center in Fairfax VA. There is a humorous story from my very distant past that goes along with this.
• I turned 31. Don't ask me. 'Nuff said.
• I hosted a birthday party for my 7 year old son and 15 of his closest friends.
• Work became unbearable. I sent out my resume. I interviewed. I sent out more resumes. Things got a little better. It's tentative at best right now.
• I had some girl-parts issues related to a change in birth control methods. I don't want to talk about this, really, but for the discomfort it will cause everyone, I may have to give in and discuss it ad nauseum.

Last, but not least, my neighbors experienced a terrible tragedy. I will talk about this now because I don't want to have to talk about it again. In the wee hours of October 3rd, my neighbors, Dave and Kelly, were driving home from a fund raiser for their adoption organization. They have an adopted 3 year old, Parker, and are in the process of adopting a little girl who will arrive in the winter of 2005. Their min-van was hit by a reckless driver as they were merging on the beltway. Dave and Kelly suffered non-life threatening injuries. Parker was killed. While I don't really know all the details, the accident was random and freakish - Parker was properly secured in his child seat.

Aside from my compassionate and emotional feelings for the hell that Dave and Kelly are going through, I had to explain to my son what happened. While he can't really comprehend what has occured, he knows that Parker is gone forever. He is very sad about this and has been experiencing some anxiety. Needless to say, as a family, we have been brought a little closer. Not only to comfort each other but to count ourselves thankful that our child is safe in our arms.

On October 8th, I attended Parker's funeral. Although I have suffered through personal despair before, I don't think I have never cried so much in my life for another person. While I'm not a religious person, I'm hopeful that Parker is in a safe and loving place and I hope for Dave and Kelly to experience some level of comfort. And, selfishly, I agonize over the fact that no matter what I do, I can't protect my child all the time - I pray that nothing will ever happen to him because I would never have the strength to survive if I lost him.