Sunday, April 13, 2008
StephanieCake wishes her friends would do a better job....
...of staying alive.
I know that sounds morbid, but unfortuantely I've lost another friend. This one is more complicated, which is why its taken me a week to work on writing about it. But I need to.
I had only talked to him a couple of times in the past year and we had been out of touch for a number of years before that. I haven't actually seen him since my wedding in December 1995. Certainly its tragic that he passed away - in a motorcycle accident, btw - but I think his death is really hard for me because of what he represented.
I'd known him since 1988. Endless lists of things about him keep forming in my mind.
R.I.P. Craig McGiffin; May 4, 1974 - April 7, 2008
I know that sounds morbid, but unfortuantely I've lost another friend. This one is more complicated, which is why its taken me a week to work on writing about it. But I need to.
I had only talked to him a couple of times in the past year and we had been out of touch for a number of years before that. I haven't actually seen him since my wedding in December 1995. Certainly its tragic that he passed away - in a motorcycle accident, btw - but I think his death is really hard for me because of what he represented.
I'd known him since 1988. Endless lists of things about him keep forming in my mind.
- He dated and was married to my best friend, K. They were together from 1988 until 1996. The details of their divorce is something I don't feel comfortable revealing here out of respect to K.
- I dated two of his good friends. J.M. was a brief relationship - we never clicked and just ended up being friends. S.J. was another story. I actually knew S.J.before Craig. S.J. subsequently had two kids w/, and married, another good friend of mine. No suprise, they're divorced now. I will always have unresolved issues with S.J.
- I used to jokingly call him Cregg McMuffin. He went along with the joke and signed notes to me that way.
- He was a bass player. He opened my eyes to a lot of music that I still listen to today.
- He was fearless. He had a dark, brooding temper. He was scary when he was angry. He was charming. He was a psychopath.
He is being cremated on Wednesday in CA (he was living in San Francisco). Sometime late next month they are bringing his ashes to VA - his mom lives near the Blue Ridge in the southwestern part of the state. There is going to be a funeral/ceremony/memorial thing and, based on what I'm hearing, everyone from the past is coming.
I'm terrified of this reunion. I think its because I've mourned so many things about my past for so long and this might provide closure. That should be a good thing, shouldn't it?
Labels: sadness
Monday, January 28, 2008
Dear Jon,
RJ called me this morning and told me what you did this weekend. I haven't talked to you since August and haven't seen you most likely since last spring. But for some reason I've thought about you lately. I wish I could have reached out to you.
I really never knew you that well. The things I know about you could probably fit on an index card. But I always admired you. You were the only one who was willing to explain industry stuff and answer my multitudes of questions when I started working at UE. And of course I was always happy to hear from you at M180... although in hindsight, by the time RJ dissolved the business, your requests were few and far between and increasingly passionless.
I have to admit that I can understand being in a bad place... feeling like no one cares about you, or understands. Feeling like everyone has failed you and there is no hope for the future. I guess I've been lucky in that I've always had someone or something to come to my emotional rescue. I can almost be anecdotal about it sometimes... like crediting the Bank of America "YOU Matter" sign with saving the day not too terribly long ago.
It makes me sad that no one could save you. You were funny and endearingly rough around the edges. You were irreverant and smart. I always thought you were the perfect balance for RJ's "boy-next-door" schtick. And like I said, I looked up to you and admired you.
I wish you hadn't felt things were so bad you had to take your own life. It sounds like some shitty stuff happened to you this past year. I think you took a little piece of all us with you. What I'm feeling right now will certainly pass with time but there are things that will never be the same now that you are gone.
I really never knew you that well. The things I know about you could probably fit on an index card. But I always admired you. You were the only one who was willing to explain industry stuff and answer my multitudes of questions when I started working at UE. And of course I was always happy to hear from you at M180... although in hindsight, by the time RJ dissolved the business, your requests were few and far between and increasingly passionless.
I have to admit that I can understand being in a bad place... feeling like no one cares about you, or understands. Feeling like everyone has failed you and there is no hope for the future. I guess I've been lucky in that I've always had someone or something to come to my emotional rescue. I can almost be anecdotal about it sometimes... like crediting the Bank of America "YOU Matter" sign with saving the day not too terribly long ago.
It makes me sad that no one could save you. You were funny and endearingly rough around the edges. You were irreverant and smart. I always thought you were the perfect balance for RJ's "boy-next-door" schtick. And like I said, I looked up to you and admired you.
I wish you hadn't felt things were so bad you had to take your own life. It sounds like some shitty stuff happened to you this past year. I think you took a little piece of all us with you. What I'm feeling right now will certainly pass with time but there are things that will never be the same now that you are gone.
Labels: sadness
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