Tuesday, September 12, 2006
How to be a Failure 101
I never listen to my own advice. I never heed my gut instincts. And I fail as a result.
I am currently sitting in a hotel room in Ft. Worth feeling like a complete loser. I am supposed to be in training until 6 tonight but the client decided to send me packing at lunchtime. They didn't like two aspects of my training: 1. me; 2. the training.
This is a learning experience for me. Note to self, observe the following:
1. Listen to your intuition. If something seems uncomfortable it will only get worse.
2. You are not, repeat not, a technical trainer. You never will be. You are a soft skills trainer. Do what you know.
3. You're a likeable person but no amount of interpersonal success is going to make up for the fact that you suck at explaining enterprise applications in a way that doesn't confuse, anger or bore people.
4. Business Analysts, in general, SUCK. They're arrogant. They're arguementative. They don't have open minds. They are supposed to be the liaison between business users and IT but they do more alienating than liasing. Bastards.
My intuition keeps telling me that this technical training gig I signed on for is not a good fit for me. I'm not good at it and it's too much of a struggle. I am facing too many obstacles. Not to mention, it brings back all of the pain I experienced in the technical corporate world. The arrogance, the back stabbing, the ulterior motives.
I'm a hospitality person. I'm cut out for team building and customer service and communication and leadership. Making people feel positive about their contributions and helping them build confidence. Opening their eyes to doing the right thing at work. Helping them see the implications of good interpersonal skills. The ball is generally in my court as the trainer, no matter how unskilled or uninterested the trainees are. That stuff doesn't happen in technical training. The ball is in the trainees' court. They decide whether I am successful. And apparently the Machievellian, mean-spirited goal of most technical trainees is to grab the dodgeballs and run back to the wall before the trainer can hit them first.
Why can't I self actualize what I teach every frigging week at PP??? My DISC profile proves the point again and again.... I don't like conflict. I don't like people alienating me. I can't handle change very well. I get stuck in rules-driven behavior to my own detriment. In short, I am a complete failure at 50% of what I am currently trying to accomplish.
I need to do some soul searching. I know that the combination of marginal success + happiness exists for me somewhere. I just don't know where and how.
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