Stephanie Cake

<-- Poor pitiful me

My poor pitiful boob -->

I have no theme here. Just a bunch of thoughts I feel the need to preserve because I'm that damn forgetful....

• Went to the doctor for a check up the other day (not my choice, she wouldn't fill my Rx's for my allergy meds and crazy pills unless I came in). My blood pressure is good. But she is making have my cholesterol checked. She says its just that time in my life. Argh. AND... she actually said something about my weight. I gained 2 lbs since March '05 - the last time I was there. FROWN. So I guess I'm officially fat. Its no longer negative self talk in my head (or in the waistband of my pants). It has been confirmed by a medical professional.

• "Life would be good if I could lose 20 lbs.....," I thought as I made strawberry cupcakes with cream cheese frosting, later that same night. Christ. I need to have my jaws wired shut.

• So this software/technical training gig I've been dealing with for what seems like forever... they finally scheduled me for solo training. But they scheduled me to train on the new release - which has major changes from the last version - and only sent me the licensed product the other day. I'm supposed to train on Monday. Freaking out a little, I caved to the suggestion of the guy I'm contracting thru to agree to another co-training. The bad news is that he is on vacation so I will need to train with someone else. But that seemed fine - I'll get someone else's perspective, etc. And then I hear back from him yesterday. The other guy doesn't want to co-train with me. Apparently he's worried about his training evals and the possibility of my f'ing everthing up and him looking bad if I take over some of the training. Jesus-fucking-Mary-and-Joseph. THIS is why I left the technical world. THIS is why I enjoy the hospitality industry so much more. I simply can't take the ARROGANCE. Even though its a potentially good income opportunity, I'm really starting to second guess myself on this one. It feels like too much of a struggle. I'm all about the path of the least resistance these days and this path is looking mighty rocky.

• I am trying to get back to my long ago commitment of writing. Not just these overly wordy diatribes that no one is interested in but actually literary fiction (although I'm seriously thinking of something memoir-esque). I cranked out half a dozen pages the other day when Connor was at karate and I felt really good about it. Will publish it here when I get a chance.

• Had a WEIRD dream this morning, after getting up ata reasonable hour and then going back to sleep. I dreamed that I was finishing school... although exactly what kind of school was indeterminate. I was a concerned as I was cleaning out my locker because I kept finding text books for classes that I suddenly remembered I was supposed to take but never showed up for. And then cleaning out this locker lead to cleaning out a quasi-dorm room which was more of an apartment. At first it seemed like everything was going to fit into a trunk and a few bags but then I kept finding more and more stuff and then I remembered stuff hanging on the walls and small pieces of furniture and I started to panic because I couldn't get it all packed, not to mention I didn't have enough boxes or packing materials, and I was the only student left. Rob was also there, becoming rather annoyed with my antics and was actually helping me solve some of the mania when something woke me up. This dream reaccurs in various forms quite often. I think its my standard anxiety induced dream. Most likely inspired by my real life anxiety over the technical training. Oddly enough, it was interspersed with some random stuff about a pool (which is also becoming recurrent). I have no idea what that is about.

• I got this pattern for bead crocheted strawberries and made 2 of them last night. They are really cute. I have much more important things to do but I want to finish them today. I think I want to make a lariat style necklace and have the strawberries as the ends of the lariat.

• The mailman just came. Since we have to front door open, I could see his shadow cast through the screen door onto the wall of our front stairway. He was wearing one of those dorky mailman pith helmets and his shadow was very ominous. Wish I had my camera so I could have taken a pic before he slunk off. He's a total crackhead. He leaves mail for anyone and everyone at our house. So I'm pretty sure our mail is being left everywhere as well. Yesterday we got a USPS Priority package for our neighbor. I can understand the occasional envelope getting tucked in the wrong place in sorting but a WHOLE PACKAGE?? Plus he constantly leaves stuff for #81. (We're #31)

So I went to the Charm City Rollergirls Summer bout on Sunday. I'm bummed because it was too dark to get any good pictures but it was a blast! Connor & Rob went too and I met up with one of my co-workers from TJG, Steve. Connor loved the elbowing and other pseudo violence. Rob and Steve enjoyed the 1/2 time burlesque show.

Tryouts for fresh meat are in October. Must get new skates and start practicing my viciousness.

This this is one of the most hilarious Brokeback parodies. Oddly enough my favorite, Wetback Mountain (from Mind of Mencia), also features Mario Lopez. Ironic, no?