Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Tom Cruise is normal but there's something wrong with ME?
So out of curiosity, I took the Scientologist website "personality test". First let me say that I find it reprehensible that they call it a test. I'm sure its based on the same pop psychology that organizational psychometrics are. I'm certified in one of these assessment tools for chrissakes. And they should always be called surveys. Or assessment tools. Not tests. Tests have right and wrong answers. But I guess the Scientologists are all about right and wrong answers.
So here is my survey result:
So here is my survey result:
Apparently there is something seriously wrong with me as a bunch of my graph is in the "Attention Urgent" area. I'm wondering which questions pointed to this.... Could it have been "Do you browse through railway timetables, directories, or dictionaries just for pleasure?" or perhaps "Could you agree to "strict discipline"?" or maybe "Do you ever get a "dreamlike" feeling toward life when it all seems unreal?"....
Hmmm. And what about "Are your opinions insufficiently important to tell other people?" HUH? Is that not a double negative or something?? "In a disagreement do you find it hard to understand how the other person fails to see your side, and thus agree with you?" Whaaaaaa? Are they agreeing with me or not?
The "test" is a total of 200 questions. There are a lot of iterations of "Can you smile and laugh?" and "Are you depressed a lot?" and "Are you happy?" I consistently answered yes, sometimes/maybe and yes. Sounds like I'm a danger to myself and others. Do I need to get my brain washed?!
Here's what they had to say along with my survey results:
The above personality test profile is being sent to you to give you a basic picture of your personality and what you think about you. This test graph provides an overall analysis, but there is a lot more to be said about this graph and your personality which can be given to you at no charge by our professional test evaluators at your nearest Church of Scientology testing center. Find out all the details about your personality, and what can be done to raise the different points on your personality test graph. Something can be done to change conditions in life. (this was a hotlink to some other part of their site but I've deleted it... I'd rather not have a trail of breadcrumbs leading back to my blog.)
It's Bizarro Cake
Please, please don't take this as boasting. What I'm about to write is merely an observation and to be honest sort of for posterity....
I truly think I'm living in Bizarro World. My phone has been ringing off the hook with consulting opportunities. I actually turned something down the other day. That's not saying much since it was a recruiting gig but when was the last time I got to turn something down because I have too much going on??? When am I not whining and moaning about there being no opportunities? When am I not crying about contracts ending or being scaled back (ie. several weeks ago)??
Now don't go and get the idea that I'm rolling in the dough or anything. But I'm rolling in potential clients and I keep hearing things like "so-and-so said you're great!" and "you sound like a really capable individual, can I give you a referral?" TOTALLY Bizarro. I'm not used to praise like this that isn't followed by "...but we're going to have to fire you."
I'm afraid to breathe too deeply or pinch myself lest I wake up from the dream of prosperity. If I can complete enough of these projects and impress enough people and build up a big enough portfolio I might actually become successful. Or I can regain consciousness in my jelly filled pod and realize the matrix is just a lie. In the meantime, I gonna ride this good thing while it lasts.
Cross your fingers for me. And your toes. And your eyes just to be sure.
I truly think I'm living in Bizarro World. My phone has been ringing off the hook with consulting opportunities. I actually turned something down the other day. That's not saying much since it was a recruiting gig but when was the last time I got to turn something down because I have too much going on??? When am I not whining and moaning about there being no opportunities? When am I not crying about contracts ending or being scaled back (ie. several weeks ago)??
Now don't go and get the idea that I'm rolling in the dough or anything. But I'm rolling in potential clients and I keep hearing things like "so-and-so said you're great!" and "you sound like a really capable individual, can I give you a referral?" TOTALLY Bizarro. I'm not used to praise like this that isn't followed by "...but we're going to have to fire you."
I'm afraid to breathe too deeply or pinch myself lest I wake up from the dream of prosperity. If I can complete enough of these projects and impress enough people and build up a big enough portfolio I might actually become successful. Or I can regain consciousness in my jelly filled pod and realize the matrix is just a lie. In the meantime, I gonna ride this good thing while it lasts.
Cross your fingers for me. And your toes. And your eyes just to be sure.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Spring is here, Tra-La-La
Other than the pollen, which really sets off my allergies (sneezing, coughing, wheezing, runny nose, itchy eyes) I do love spring. Its hard to be sad in the spring. Especially when the weather is nice. Not too hot, not too cold. Although I could do without all the shitty little birds who stand outside my window at 6 am and chirp and screech... but I digress.
A momma robin has built a nest outside our shed. Right on top of the the garden tool rack. We can't move the hay fork or the shovel without disturbing her so I told Rob to deal with it. We're gonna hatch us some baby birds!
A momma robin has built a nest outside our shed. Right on top of the the garden tool rack. We can't move the hay fork or the shovel without disturbing her so I told Rob to deal with it. We're gonna hatch us some baby birds!
There should be a law against this...
According to MSNBC Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are having ANOTHER kid. Its bad enough that ignorant trailer trash can make headlines with thier astounding lack of talent. But the fact that they continue to reproduce should be a federal crime.
People who call themselves K-Fed should also be shot by a firing squad.
People who call themselves K-Fed should also be shot by a firing squad.
Monday, April 24, 2006
Whats up with these boys?!?!
The youth of today are changing. And often not for the better. But there's something I've noticed which perplexes me. I don't consider it bad but I don't know that it's necessarily good either.
As you all know, I am a contract trainer for a big well known hospitality organization (name withheld for the obvious reason that they get enough bad press as it is) and when I'm training I live at the training facility. So in the evenings I get to be a bystander to all kinds of interesting sights. Sometimes it's funny. Often it's horrifying.
Long story short I've noticed that lots of straight guys in the 18 - 25 year range are major flirts with the gay guys. I have lots of gay friends and I truly admire the acceptance. It sucks when you have to deal with ignorance and bigotry in social situations. And I guess since sexual orientation has become a protected class, its much less of a stigma in most places and certainly within younger age groups.
But I'm wondering how much people are affected by the "it's-so-damn-cool-to-be-gay" ideal. I mean its weird how these boys are so flirty. They act like high school girls. And virtually all of them steadfastly maintain that they are straight. Not experimenting. Not bi-curious. Not in the closet, looking for a good time to come out. But noneltheless, they are doing full body hugs with the gay guys. And joking around about getting blow jobs from each other. And talking about clothes. Stuff that I know straight guys don't do together so much, I don't think. At least they didn't used to, anyway.
Before you get the impression that I'm being closed minded.... I'm making this point because a really good friend of mine has become a total smitten kitten with a straight boy. And I can't figure it out. My friend, let's call him "W", is a real cerebral, skeptical sort. Doesn't fall for anyone's trickery much less that of a straight boy. This straight boy, less call him "D", is even having sex with one of "W's" female friends (better known as "L"). But he flirts like a frickin' tricked out whore when he's around "W". He asked "L" not to tell "W" that he slept with her! (Yes, I know, I know, its totally like high school.)
Anyway, out of pure curiosity, I had acouple of drinks with "D" recently. What a tease. Oh my god. Look up effusive in the dictionary. There is a picture of this boy. Total charmer. Making love to me with his beautiful eyes. A total player. I could see right through him. I'm pretty sure I could have gotten to at least 2nd base with him right then and there. He clearly gets off on manipulating people. I also caught him the next day, typing a saucy letter to someone (a girlfriend I assume) on one of the public computers)
Which is what makes me so mad for my friend, "W". Who I dearly love. "D" is giving him the eyeballs too and hugging him and hanging out with him and complimenting him and giggling like a school girl with him. And "W" won't admit it but he's clearly in love with this dipshit. Its bad enough that these guys do this kind of crap to every woman on earth. Why do they have to start on my gay boyfriends too?!?!?! Gay guys have a hard enough time in normal gay relationships. They don't need these flirty asshole hipster metrosexuals messing with their minds.
So if you are a hot, flirty, hip, straight 20-something, stop groping my gay friends! Enough with your mind games! Go hit on some sorority girls.
As you all know, I am a contract trainer for a big well known hospitality organization (name withheld for the obvious reason that they get enough bad press as it is) and when I'm training I live at the training facility. So in the evenings I get to be a bystander to all kinds of interesting sights. Sometimes it's funny. Often it's horrifying.
Long story short I've noticed that lots of straight guys in the 18 - 25 year range are major flirts with the gay guys. I have lots of gay friends and I truly admire the acceptance. It sucks when you have to deal with ignorance and bigotry in social situations. And I guess since sexual orientation has become a protected class, its much less of a stigma in most places and certainly within younger age groups.
But I'm wondering how much people are affected by the "it's-so-damn-cool-to-be-gay" ideal. I mean its weird how these boys are so flirty. They act like high school girls. And virtually all of them steadfastly maintain that they are straight. Not experimenting. Not bi-curious. Not in the closet, looking for a good time to come out. But noneltheless, they are doing full body hugs with the gay guys. And joking around about getting blow jobs from each other. And talking about clothes. Stuff that I know straight guys don't do together so much, I don't think. At least they didn't used to, anyway.
Before you get the impression that I'm being closed minded.... I'm making this point because a really good friend of mine has become a total smitten kitten with a straight boy. And I can't figure it out. My friend, let's call him "W", is a real cerebral, skeptical sort. Doesn't fall for anyone's trickery much less that of a straight boy. This straight boy, less call him "D", is even having sex with one of "W's" female friends (better known as "L"). But he flirts like a frickin' tricked out whore when he's around "W". He asked "L" not to tell "W" that he slept with her! (Yes, I know, I know, its totally like high school.)
Anyway, out of pure curiosity, I had acouple of drinks with "D" recently. What a tease. Oh my god. Look up effusive in the dictionary. There is a picture of this boy. Total charmer. Making love to me with his beautiful eyes. A total player. I could see right through him. I'm pretty sure I could have gotten to at least 2nd base with him right then and there. He clearly gets off on manipulating people. I also caught him the next day, typing a saucy letter to someone (a girlfriend I assume) on one of the public computers)
Which is what makes me so mad for my friend, "W". Who I dearly love. "D" is giving him the eyeballs too and hugging him and hanging out with him and complimenting him and giggling like a school girl with him. And "W" won't admit it but he's clearly in love with this dipshit. Its bad enough that these guys do this kind of crap to every woman on earth. Why do they have to start on my gay boyfriends too?!?!?! Gay guys have a hard enough time in normal gay relationships. They don't need these flirty asshole hipster metrosexuals messing with their minds.
So if you are a hot, flirty, hip, straight 20-something, stop groping my gay friends! Enough with your mind games! Go hit on some sorority girls.
Friday, April 14, 2006
I'm related to a frikkin' KINGPIN
So when I was in NC for my grandfather's funeral, my grandmother was telling me a bunch of stuff about my cousin being involved in some bad drug related situation. My grandmother is quite the storyteller so when she said stuff like "kingpin", I kind of just laughed. While I had no doubt Joni may have been involved in something unsavory, she's only 20 (I haven't seen her since she was about 2) and I had a hard time conjuring up this mobster, hardcore drug dealer image my grandmother was painting.
Then this morning, my mother emails this newspaper article. Apparently Joni really was a big time drug kingpin in the town where I grew up. Holy shit. The newspaper reports that at one point she was pulling in $50K a month on this not so little venture. Unbelievable. Of course I wonder why she was living in a motel if she was making such mad cash... but I suppose a 20-year old drug dealer doesn't have the same property ownership and investment savings mindedness that I do. Apparently her ex-boyfriend is also serving a life sentence for murder. My grandmother referenced this too. Apparently the murder took place in Miami.
My family's world is so small it makes me claustrophobic. I'm glad I live somewhere else. Not that Baltimore is any better but I'm pretty sure I'm *not* related to anyone heading up the major drug cartels here. Joni is my paternal grandmother's little brother's granddaughter (got that??).... that would make her my second cousin twice removed? I think. I've never quite understood how that works. The mugshot in the paper is of course horrible. She looks like a total crackwhore but I don't doubt she's a beautiful girl - my grandmother's family is pretty heavily infused with Native American heritage and my grandmother's brother married a Hawaiian woman so their kids and grandkids have dark hair, dark skin and very exotic looks. Joni's mother, Lisa (actually Lisa Marie, courtesy of my dad.... he was living w/ his uncle when she was born - Elvis and Priscilla had just had their daughter and he got to help pick a name) was allegedly involved in some nutty shit in Fredericksburg some time ago as well. Although I don't think she was ever convicted of anything.
Fredericksburg is a logical place for drug dealers to end up since its right off interstate 95 between New York and Miami. It used to be a small, rural, history laden redneck town with absolutely nothing going for it. Growing up there was boring and hellish. My mother has lived there since 1974. My father currently lives there too, and with the exception of some brief moving around after he and my mom split, he's pretty much lived there for the past 30 years as well. The town is now a suburb of Norther Virginia due to all the asshole transplants who build big ugly houses there (pave the battle fields!!!!!). It is now a large, crowded, history laden redneck town with not much new going for it other than traffictraffictraffic and the shopping monstrosity known as Central Park.
I'm not sure how or why my father's cousin Lisa ended up in F'burg too. To my knowledge, my dad never saw her while she lived there and I remember him saying he wouldn't know Joni if saw her on the street. On the other hand, my dad and his uncle (Lisa's dad) were always very close. He lives about 10 minutes from my grandmother and is frequently at her house when I visit - my grandmother and her siblings are all very close.
Am I making a point? Probably not. But, I guess the point I'm making here is that my extended family seems to be somewhat of a mess.
Then this morning, my mother emails this newspaper article. Apparently Joni really was a big time drug kingpin in the town where I grew up. Holy shit. The newspaper reports that at one point she was pulling in $50K a month on this not so little venture. Unbelievable. Of course I wonder why she was living in a motel if she was making such mad cash... but I suppose a 20-year old drug dealer doesn't have the same property ownership and investment savings mindedness that I do. Apparently her ex-boyfriend is also serving a life sentence for murder. My grandmother referenced this too. Apparently the murder took place in Miami.
My family's world is so small it makes me claustrophobic. I'm glad I live somewhere else. Not that Baltimore is any better but I'm pretty sure I'm *not* related to anyone heading up the major drug cartels here. Joni is my paternal grandmother's little brother's granddaughter (got that??).... that would make her my second cousin twice removed? I think. I've never quite understood how that works. The mugshot in the paper is of course horrible. She looks like a total crackwhore but I don't doubt she's a beautiful girl - my grandmother's family is pretty heavily infused with Native American heritage and my grandmother's brother married a Hawaiian woman so their kids and grandkids have dark hair, dark skin and very exotic looks. Joni's mother, Lisa (actually Lisa Marie, courtesy of my dad.... he was living w/ his uncle when she was born - Elvis and Priscilla had just had their daughter and he got to help pick a name) was allegedly involved in some nutty shit in Fredericksburg some time ago as well. Although I don't think she was ever convicted of anything.
Fredericksburg is a logical place for drug dealers to end up since its right off interstate 95 between New York and Miami. It used to be a small, rural, history laden redneck town with absolutely nothing going for it. Growing up there was boring and hellish. My mother has lived there since 1974. My father currently lives there too, and with the exception of some brief moving around after he and my mom split, he's pretty much lived there for the past 30 years as well. The town is now a suburb of Norther Virginia due to all the asshole transplants who build big ugly houses there (pave the battle fields!!!!!). It is now a large, crowded, history laden redneck town with not much new going for it other than traffictraffictraffic and the shopping monstrosity known as Central Park.
I'm not sure how or why my father's cousin Lisa ended up in F'burg too. To my knowledge, my dad never saw her while she lived there and I remember him saying he wouldn't know Joni if saw her on the street. On the other hand, my dad and his uncle (Lisa's dad) were always very close. He lives about 10 minutes from my grandmother and is frequently at her house when I visit - my grandmother and her siblings are all very close.
Am I making a point? Probably not. But, I guess the point I'm making here is that my extended family seems to be somewhat of a mess.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
El Blast-o from Del Past-o
Just downloaded a bunch of Dead Milkmen tunes from eMusic. Man, the memories! Big Lizard was in heavy rotation when I was high school. And Bucky Fellini too.
You'll Dance to Anything makes me laugh so much I could wet my pants....
You'll dance to anything
Oh, baby, look at you
Don't you look like Siouxsie Sioux
How long'd it take to get that way
What a terrible waste of energy
You wear black clothes say you're poetic
The sad truth is you're just pathetic
Get into the groove just get out of my way
I came here to drink not to get laid
So why don't you just go on home
'Cause if you want to moan you'll have to moan alone
You'll dance to anything
Don't try to tell me that you're an intellectual
Cause you're just another boring bisexual
"I met Andy Warhol at a really chic party"
Blow it out your hairdo 'cause you work at Hardees
80 pounds of make up on your art school skin
80 points of I.Q. located within
Know what you are?
You're a bunch of ...Artfags! Artfags! Artfags! Artfags!
Choke on this you dance-a-teria types!
You'll dance to anything by The Communards
You'll dance to anything by Book of Love
You'll dance to anything by The Smiths
You'll dance to anything by Depeche Commode
You'll dance to anything by Public Image Limited
You'll dance to anything by Naked Truth
You'll dance to anything by any bunch of stupid Europeans who come over herewith their big hairdos intent on taking our money instead of giving yourcash, where it belongs, to a decent American artist like myself!
You'll dance to anything!
I worshipped the Milkmen. The ironic thing is that I also listened to the Smiths, Depeche Mode, Souxie and the Banshees & PIL and wore lots of black. And I went to art school. I was a total art fag. And probably a boring bisexual for that matter.
You'll Dance to Anything makes me laugh so much I could wet my pants....
You'll dance to anything
Oh, baby, look at you
Don't you look like Siouxsie Sioux
How long'd it take to get that way
What a terrible waste of energy
You wear black clothes say you're poetic
The sad truth is you're just pathetic
Get into the groove just get out of my way
I came here to drink not to get laid
So why don't you just go on home
'Cause if you want to moan you'll have to moan alone
You'll dance to anything
Don't try to tell me that you're an intellectual
Cause you're just another boring bisexual
"I met Andy Warhol at a really chic party"
Blow it out your hairdo 'cause you work at Hardees
80 pounds of make up on your art school skin
80 points of I.Q. located within
Know what you are?
You're a bunch of ...Artfags! Artfags! Artfags! Artfags!
Choke on this you dance-a-teria types!
You'll dance to anything by The Communards
You'll dance to anything by Book of Love
You'll dance to anything by The Smiths
You'll dance to anything by Depeche Commode
You'll dance to anything by Public Image Limited
You'll dance to anything by Naked Truth
You'll dance to anything by any bunch of stupid Europeans who come over herewith their big hairdos intent on taking our money instead of giving yourcash, where it belongs, to a decent American artist like myself!
You'll dance to anything!
I worshipped the Milkmen. The ironic thing is that I also listened to the Smiths, Depeche Mode, Souxie and the Banshees & PIL and wore lots of black. And I went to art school. I was a total art fag. And probably a boring bisexual for that matter.
Sunday, April 09, 2006
A burning question.
This just came to mind and it is really bugging me... most likely because I've been watching TV non-stop all weekend plus I'm starving.
Why the hell does Sonic advertise on Baltimore based TV stations when there isn't one in the state of Maryland? There isn't a single one in PA for that matter. There appears to be ONE in WV. Its not near MD as far as I can tell. Other than that, the Sonic's in VA are really far south (Radford, Galax, etc.) -- hundreds of miles away from the Balt./DC area.
What gives? Why are they wasting their advertising dollar on me? Pissing me off with their delicious looking breakfast sandwiches and customizable limeades! Who the hell do they think they are??!!
Why the hell does Sonic advertise on Baltimore based TV stations when there isn't one in the state of Maryland? There isn't a single one in PA for that matter. There appears to be ONE in WV. Its not near MD as far as I can tell. Other than that, the Sonic's in VA are really far south (Radford, Galax, etc.) -- hundreds of miles away from the Balt./DC area.
What gives? Why are they wasting their advertising dollar on me? Pissing me off with their delicious looking breakfast sandwiches and customizable limeades! Who the hell do they think they are??!!
Ten little indians... and there were none?!
Just feeling sorry for myself. Two weeks ago, I had potential consulting work coming out the wazoo. This weekend, something for next week got axed (the usual NCL b.s.) and something else is in jeopardy (maybe not seeing eye-to-eye with the client... not sure yet). And I'm suddenly super unmotivated by everything else. I would rather chew my arm off than go back to corporate but on the other hand the ups and downs of consulting are killing me.
Is it just me or is anyone else profoundly annoyed by that Jello pudding commercial with the boy and the cow and the Wiggle & Jiggle hippety-hop sort of song? I'm almost embarrassed when it comes on. Yet I'm also drawn to it, as if it were a gorey, gross tragedy filled car accident. It creeps me out. I wish it would go away.
On a happier note, I love it when the noodles are all pointed on end in the bowl when you make Easy Mac. When you take the bowl out of the microwave after the noodle boiling part and before the cheese powder mixing part, that is. Its like the Golden Mean or something. As if the noodles are fulfilling some cosmic order. Wouldn't it be nice if all of life could work out like that?
Is it just me or is anyone else profoundly annoyed by that Jello pudding commercial with the boy and the cow and the Wiggle & Jiggle hippety-hop sort of song? I'm almost embarrassed when it comes on. Yet I'm also drawn to it, as if it were a gorey, gross tragedy filled car accident. It creeps me out. I wish it would go away.
On a happier note, I love it when the noodles are all pointed on end in the bowl when you make Easy Mac. When you take the bowl out of the microwave after the noodle boiling part and before the cheese powder mixing part, that is. Its like the Golden Mean or something. As if the noodles are fulfilling some cosmic order. Wouldn't it be nice if all of life could work out like that?
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